The morning of my interview I was woken by an obnoxiously early phone call. Only one person in the world would dare call me this early, my older brother Earl. Once a week Earl does his morning run fairly close to my townhouse, and on that morning I can expect a wakeup call from him.
My brother is out there every morning running rain, shine, or blizzard. He is a bit of a fitness nut, to the point that he counts his calories and chronicles his daily workout routine. I have never seen a person get so excited for the weekend to come so they can work on their shoulders and lats.
What drives me nuts about my brother is eating out with him. It’s like eating with 110 pound woman who insists she needs to shed a few as she creates her own menu concoction substituting anything oily and fun on the plate for something dry and pasty.
The funny thing is you would never guess my brother for a Richard Simmons clone. Earl has the unfortunate genetics of inheriting a soft wide overweight frame with a double chin that
would make any habitual snacker jealous. He is the most in shape fat guy I have ever seen!
Earl’s early morning phone call started like any other, “Hey dickhead wake the fuck up!” I could hear the wind whistling through his Bluetooth with a constant tempo of fat guy breathing. Earl loved his recent purchase, Fit Tooth, a Bluetooth head piece made for the person who feels the need to be on the phone while working out, which meant more people had to listen to Earl’s work out wheezing. I answered my brother with the same affection, “What the fuck do you want? Why do you always call me this early?!” I was actually glad that he did I needed to wake up. “I’ll be there in 15 minutes you better be up.” There was no reply to my brother’s demand because I was trying to fall back asleep. “Hey asshole! I mean it!” He yelled. “Okay, okay!” I responded.
My brother is out there every morning running rain, shine, or blizzard. He is a bit of a fitness nut, to the point that he counts his calories and chronicles his daily workout routine. I have never seen a person get so excited for the weekend to come so they can work on their shoulders and lats.
What drives me nuts about my brother is eating out with him. It’s like eating with 110 pound woman who insists she needs to shed a few as she creates her own menu concoction substituting anything oily and fun on the plate for something dry and pasty.
The funny thing is you would never guess my brother for a Richard Simmons clone. Earl has the unfortunate genetics of inheriting a soft wide overweight frame with a double chin that
would make any habitual snacker jealous. He is the most in shape fat guy I have ever seen! Earl’s early morning phone call started like any other, “Hey dickhead wake the fuck up!” I could hear the wind whistling through his Bluetooth with a constant tempo of fat guy breathing. Earl loved his recent purchase, Fit Tooth, a Bluetooth head piece made for the person who feels the need to be on the phone while working out, which meant more people had to listen to Earl’s work out wheezing. I answered my brother with the same affection, “What the fuck do you want? Why do you always call me this early?!” I was actually glad that he did I needed to wake up. “I’ll be there in 15 minutes you better be up.” There was no reply to my brother’s demand because I was trying to fall back asleep. “Hey asshole! I mean it!” He yelled. “Okay, okay!” I responded.
1 comment:
The song is Baby, Baby by Amy Grant. Dude I know this guy Whitney, his real name is Stacy I bet right?! That guy is hilarious I see at the bars in Arlington all the time.
Post a Comment